Remember that one time I went against all of my fears and put all of my hope into someone? Remember when I let him have everything, all of me? Remember when I told him everything there is to know about me, every single little thing about me? Remember when I gave him all of the tools that he needed to understand me, against my better judgement? Remember when I was that annoying girl who preached against love and happy endings? but then gave someone a chance, and let him into my world to understand why I felt the way that I felt? I tried I really did try to keep him happy. I gave him everything, he had everything needed he knew everything he needed to know to just keep me happy. And he hates me now. And yeah it kills me. I’m reminded of him almost everyday. It’s a long, tragic story with tons of unnecessary drama. My views on everything changed, some for the worst. I think that’s what got to me the most. I’ve never been the one to advocate marriage, “fate,” or happy endings. It’s not in my DNA. I’m not the strong and hopeful Priscilla I wish I could be, I’m so afraid of love and everything that comes with it. But I loved him, I really really really did. Silly me almost started to believe in happy endings. But with us ending and everything that caused it, it’s reassured me that everything comes to an end. There’s a million lessons I’ve learned from us, and I don’t regret any of the things that lead up to them. I hate how much I can’t bring myself to hate him. I hate how everything went to shit, I hate the fact that he just couldn’t get it right with me, even after the many attempts we made. And maybe that was my fault. I really do blame myself for everything sometimes. I’ll forever be mad at myself for telling him everything about me, my parents, everything. I thought it would make things better but if anything it worsened them. It made me look even more weak and vulnerable. I wish there was someone other than him I could talk about it all with but there isn’t because I can’t help but keep everything to myself. 

But you know man, life goes on. I can’t always rely on someone else for happiness when I can’t even rely on myself. I couldn’t keep trying to bring back to life something that was already dying all by myself anymore. I had to learn to stop clinging to bad situations just to keep the peace. Man, I still have a lot to learn and so does he. Ending “us” volumes 1, 2, and 3 was the most “right” thing we’d ever done. We tried too hard to make things work that it made everything even worse. People might assume that I didn’t actually love the guy because I’ve moved on, but that’s not true. We had some amazingly great times, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without him. Despite everything that happened I’m soo extremely thankful for him, I always will be. And for the first time, I think I really am just happy, with myself. I’ve met someone pretty amazing and I’m pretty excited.

And to my anon(s), I’m honestly too lazy to answer all of your questions. Sorry.